Re-examining our Commitment to LOVE

HOMILY: Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time (B)

Mark 10: 2-16

3 October 2021 

Fr. Ricky Cañet Montañez, AA

Before I officiate over weddings, I conduct canonical interviews with the couples preparing for marriage. When I’d ask how the preparations are getting along, their usual response is about accomplishing the paper work, finalising the entourage, choosing the venue, picking the menu, deciding on the wedding motif, the decorations, the gowns, etc. I just sigh and remember the quote I once read, “The flowers you pick out for the bouquets will wilt, but the spiritual bouquets — made up of prayers, living the sacramental life — will produce a sacred harvest long past your wedding day.” In that spirit I always shift the couples’ attention to what is more essential in a church wedding and ask them about their spiritual preparation for their marriage. Most of them are taken off guard by the question. Sadly, even for believers who opt for a church wedding there is very little attention given to the spiritual preparation for marriage — the lifetime they have chosen to live with their partner after the festivity of a wedding. They focus too much on the externals. However, since the pandemic, I have observed that couples have learned to scale down on the pomp and flashiness of a wedding. Due to restrictions, they have learned to identify the most important people in their lives and invite them to witness the ceremony. Gone is the kilometric entourage with prominent people in business and government as sponsors. Even simple receptions were prohibited. Still, couples chose to push through with their wedding.  I appreciate that they treasure each other so much to make a life commitment before God and obtain His blessing. 

In the gospel passage this Sunday the Pharisees test Jesus with a question about divorce. Jesus responded by going back to the original intent of God that forms the basis of the Church’s teaching on the permanence of the marital union. In God’s design the couple has become one flesh and therefore must not be separated. “Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” (Mark 10:9) As pointed out by the Pharisees, divorce was permissible according to the Mosaic Law so they were not really concerned about the acceptability of divorce. What they were trying to find out was whether Jesus would undermine the authority of the Mosaic tradition. Instead, Jesus challenges the Pharisees to aim for the ideal in marriage. Jesus invites them to strive for the ideals to which God has called them, rather than to submit to the accommodations people often tend to make for their convenience. 

There are varying reasons why people marry these days. The most ideal of which is because of love. Those who marry later in life do so for companionship. Still others enter into marriage for security, for money or because a child is involved. As a priest I have observed that couples whose marriages have been grounded on love tend to withstand the test of time. Marriages that required couples to make certain sacrifices and fight for their love would weather most of life’s challenges. I recently came across this article about Japan’s Princess Mako who had made sacrifices in order for her to wed the love of her life. She patiently waited for years when her family delayed their wedding due to their displeasure concerning the financial standing of her fiancé’s family. She finally chose to give up her chance to be in line for the crown and to forego a one-time million-dollar payment (150M Yen) usually offered to royals marrying commoners just so she could finally wed her college classmate. This love story attests to the fact that having a healthy, loving relationship does not imply that there are no struggles. In fact, the challenges we have to face often strengthen the relationship. We are “made perfect through suffering” (Hebrews 2:10), as the Letter to the Hebrews puts it. 

For us Christians, we aim for the ideal of marriage. Many people ask what is so distinctive about a Catholic Christian marriage? In the Catholic tradition, marriage is understood as a sacrament. It is a covenant made with God. We see this religious significance of marriage in the way the matrimonial vows are exchanged in a church wedding. In a civil wedding, vows are exchanged as such: I, [name], take you [name], to be my [husband/wife], to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part. Whereas in a church wedding, the vow begins with the words… “Grant us, O Lord to be one heart and soul…” While the former is worded as a promise, which we know we, as flawed human beings, can easily break, the latter is in the form of a prayer. The couple acknowledges that it is “the presence of the Lord that will render their marriage as full and profoundly true.” The couple recognises that they need to strive to be true to each other, not so much out of their own strength but through God’s grace. For those among you who were married in church, isn’t this why you sought out God’s blessing on your married life? You wanted what the readings today say, (for) “the Lord to bless them (you) all the days of their (your) life” (Psalm 128:5). This is the foundation on which you build your future together — you build your life together on solid rock, entrusting your love to Him who is love.  With God at your side, nothing can ever separate you! Who, indeed, shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? (Romans 8:35) 

The point is not to give up easily on a relationship. Relationships are hard. Two very different and imperfect people from different backgrounds, choosing to be together is bound to generate some friction, misunderstandings and disagreements. These days, when there is such a focus on finding one’s personal happiness, people hop from one relationship to another. We observe this in the way people unfollow each other or cancel people out on social media. It seems so easy to delete, erase everything. I remember the days when people needed to take time to process or to even ritualise their break up by the shredding of the love letters, burning of the photos and getting rid of whatever it is that reminds them of the person. Not to oversimplify, “pero ngayon parang ang bilis maka-move on ng tao.” We should not let it reach the point where married people believe it’s the same for their union and they will not make an effort to save their marriage. The difference is that in a marriage, the couple has pledged to place each other’s happiness and welfare before their own. You have to expect to make sacrifices for the other and not toss them away when they are no longer pleasing nor benefitting you. If you must know, the Philippines is the only country besides the Vatican City State where divorce is not legal. Our lawmakers are pushing the bill for legalising divorce in the country. The danger is when this will be used as a ticket to trivialise marriage. To obtain divorce, couples declare the other to be so problematic and flawed that they cannot stand to be married to them anymore, as though people do not have the capacity to change and become better. They sever ties because they mistakenly believe it is just a contract between the two parties. Marriage is bonded by no less than God, Himself.  A couple should trust that God will reinforce that bond if the couple does not easily give up hope on their relationship and exhaust all means possible to save it. 

The readings this Sunday make us consider our various commitments in life.  It makes us examine in a special manner the vitality of our faithfulness to them as well as our covenant before God.  May we always welcome God into our relationships. Let us entrust to His divine wisdom and grace all our commitments. As the Psalm tells us… “Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways.” (Psalm 128:1) May the Lord strengthen us to always strive for the ideal of love in our relations with one another today and in the many years the Lord will bless us with.